Its not his fault.....

You know, I/we have to be content & thankful for whatever Allah decrees, right..........so when i'm havin a moment within myself, maybe feelin a lil jealous, slightly insecure, whatever; i try to remind myself of this perfect deen of al-islam and it always helps. So lastnight, while I lay in bed awake, couldn't fall asleep quite yet, i looked over at the husband who was sleeping so peacefully; he kinda reminded me of a baby, u know how the preciousness of children is hightened for some reason while they're sleeping, but as soon as they wake up all their other "kiddy" qualities resurface, lol,..........sorry got off topic a lil, and so as i lay there gazing at him a profound but not so profound thought came to me "i cant be upset with you, its not your fault, after all this is how your Lord created you"..............and even tho i wasn't in any particular mood at that time, the thought just made me feel so much better about myself for some reason.....it was so weird because, i've known for a long time now about how Allah created men and about how He left no greater fitnah for the men than woman, etc.........but still and all my thoughts just lifted me up so much. For a long time I often wondered why it is that even tho i gave my marriage 100% in every aspect; it still wasn't good enough. Now i don't think along those lines as much only occasionally when the shaytan catches me in a weak moment but other than that Allah has trully increased my understanding of polygyny, men, woman, marriage and so much more, masha'Allah. And i'm just so thankful for that...........

Note to self.

Don't rely on others to make you happy, be your own source of happiness and that way you only have yourself to blame when you've fallen short.