Oooopppps.

Ok, so i forgot about what I decided to do on my blog from now on. But since i've remembered, im carrying on. Maybe if i was slightly more interesting, i wouldn't forget that i actually have a blog :-/ but yeah, im thankful for............the fact that today is thursday, which means that tomorrow will be Friday. Insha'Allah I'll make it to see Fri and if i do i plan on going to CVS, they're having a sale on some revlon, loreal, and some other cosmetics. I'm itching to try out some foundation too.

Not a blogger

I am not a boring person but for some reason i cant seem to get a post in to save my life, lol. I have so much on my mind all the time, so much going on in my life but i never seem to blog about it????maybe its bcuz i get more outta reading others' thoughts rather than rambling on about my own. I do kno that i don't like to write about negative thoughts bcuz its kinda like complaining and thats one of my goals, to complain less and to be thankful more. ok so i just got an idea; everyday, no every couple of days, i'll blog about something im thankful for, it may be one thing or it may be more than one, but at least one thing. Hopefully i'll get around to doing it daily :-) so starting today. hhhhhmmmmmmm.......... i am thankful for the laptop my husband has given me, as i am using it right now to type. I must say that without my laptop, i'd still be blessed but lost at the same time, not as lost as i'd be without other things and people, but yea it'd be a huge loss, for me. i love my comp. ok so i feel like i have a ton of thing to write about now, but im saving the rest for later, insha'Allah.

what shall i get????

alhumdullilah, masha'Allah, I have a cowife now. I have not met her in person just yet but we do exchange brief emails and chat online from time to time. My husband will be leaving soon for about a week 1/2 to visit insha'Allah. i'm not sure if she'll beable to fly bac with him as there is plenty of paper work to sort out, may Allah make it easy on them, aameen. I am kinda anxious and extremely nervous for when we do meet. even though i've been in polygny before, i still don't know what to expect, i just pray to Allah that everything is what it seems to be. just like everything in life, i have to put my trust in Allah pray for the best, right.

But aside from that, i wanted to pick up something for her (co-wifey), for husband to take to her when he leaves???? i do kno that she likes makeup just as i do, so I was thinkin about getting her some???? Still not sure where from though??? i wanna get her something that isn't easily accessible in her country, which is Morocco. i don't want to ask becuz i want it to be a surprise. Maybe i'll just email her and ask if there are any products shes been wanting to try from here that she can't get there and see what she says????? but besides make-up, i wanna get her a really good book regarding women and the huge role we play in Islam. there are a few titles i have in mind, will think about that too. anywho, we'll see what I come up with?????

Urban Decay, my new best friend :-D

Ok, so I've gone from the girl who owned quite few lipglosses and maybe two tubes of mascara, to the girl who has 4 Urban Decay eyeshadow palettes, multiple make-up brushes and other stuff. I think my husband thinks I'm crazy because for the last month I've purchased more makeup than I have in my 25 years of living. And I'm finding out that makeup can be expensive, but thats why you save and buy a little at a time. Anyways, my next fix is to purchase something from MACs hello kitty collection. I've been on you tube and pretty much seen all the products from the collection and heard plenty of thoughts about it. But, I refuse to go broke buying cosmetics, so I think I'm just gonna pick up a lipstick & gloss. I've been wanting to try out a foundation, too; but can't figure out how to choose one. I'm contemplating MakeupForever's Face&Body foundation or MAC's Face&body, I heard they're both really good and provide light coverage, which is exactly what I am lookin for. And of course I'd like to purchase a brush or two, esp MAC's 187 and a couple others. So yeah, if you have any suggestions on light coverage foundations (good ones), let me know. Thanx.

I am so thankful!!!!

Alhumdullilah, I have so much to be thankful for. I have been feeling much less worried and anxious lately, YAY. I've been putting more focus on other things important to me and I have been trying to concentrate on the positive side of everything. I hate when I complain and have made it a priority of mines to focus on all that Allah has blessed me with whenever i feel the need to complain. So insha'Allah with much dua and remembrance of Allah, I will be fine :-) Now I kno some days will be better than others and I am cool with that because my hardships and overcoming them has help shape the person I am today, YAY, again. :)

None of you have truly believed........

So, lately i've been struggling within to act normal as possible. I have been trying not to let my ensecurities get the best of me but at times I can't help it and it shows in my attitude. I think that my husband is one of the most deserving husbands out there of another wife. Subhan'Allah, he treats me like a queen in everyway possible. Is he perfect, no. But he makes every effort to be. So why am I makin it hard on him? I do try to hide my feelings so as to not make him feel bad about what he is doing, after all it is from the sunnah to have more than one wife. At times I get to thinking and listeing to the whispers of the shaytaan and i wonder if there is somethng that I am doing wrong or could be doing better? and is this why he wants another wife. He has told me before more that once that his wanting another wife has nothin to do with me except for the fact that I am only one and as most men, he prefers multiple women. And i do understand kinda because most men cheat at one time or another and thats because they were created that way, women are the biggest desire, even before wealth.

Nevertheless I still fall into these momentarily depressions and it causes me to be really moody and attitudy and i hate when I get that way cause then I feel bad afterwards, but I can't seem to help myself. So I told my husband this morning that i don't feel as though I am deserving of him because I make things harder on him by having these sudden attitudes and its only when I think of him beginning a family with someone else. I mean it could be worse, i don't do much but become realy sarcastic (which he hates) and really distant and this upsets him because he knows why i'm actin this way and he hates when I worry about his getting married. And he trys to reassure me that what we have is something that only him and I can acheive together and that no other woman can be me. So you see why I feel bad, right? other times he gets fed up and just becomes extremely irritated with me. He tells me that all he wants to do is enjoy the time we have to spend together and not be caught up worring about his other affairs, which is what I strive to do but as I said before I can't help myself some times. but so yeah I told him that I don't think I deserve to be with him because he does try hard to make this transition easy on me by sharing details and stuff like that and including me in the whole process and I in turn can't seem to shake the feeling of paranoia, intimidation, anxiety, jealousy, etc. He tells me "no, we deserve each other" and i wanted to cry. Why can't i just shake these feelings and keep it movin????? My husband is being super patient with me and all i want to do is return the favor. Ya Allah help, me be a better wife, AAMEEN!

The Prophet Muhammed (sallallahu alayhi wasalaam) said, none of you have truly beleived until you love for your brother/sister what you love for yourself. Sometimes i wonder if I truly believe, I'm sure there are plenty of sisters out there who could use a good husband and i think my husband has found one, so why not get it together so she may experience the joys of a good husband? and so that he may be hassle free. I do know that I have to figure something out quickly, i would hate for Allah to take away one of the best favores of this dunya, a religous, responsible, rightoues, loving, kind, caring, etc.........husband & father & friend.

My husband's getting married........

Insha'Allah my husband will be getting married soon, alhumdullilah. I have mixed feelings about everything. Because I have been in polygyny before and haven't had the best experiences with it, I am a bit skeptical. Other than that I think this is a good thing for many reasons, (1) it is from the sunnah to have more than one wife (2) believe it or not when my husband has had other wives in the past and it increased his thankfulness and gratefulness for me, the wife he already had, having another wife helped him realize the things about me that he may have gotten used to and taken for granted, (3) because this sister is from a different country than me there is alot that we can learn from each other, her native language is arabic and mines is english, although I do kno some arabic I am far from being fluent in it, so i look forward to learning from her, not just arabic but many other things too, i also look forward to showing a few things as well, there are so many other benefits of having a co-wife that I could go on an on, but having said all this as a woman and being emotional and all that stuff I am still struggling with the thought of my husband marrying again. He's satdown with her over the comp. several time and has chatted with her father and he seems to be really pleased with her, masha'Allah. He plans to fly and to where she is in March, they will probably get married then. At this time I am feeling really intimidated and so many other emotions are going on inside that I can't even type straight, (smile). I just want things to be good for my family and I. I don't want to have these feelings of intimidation and anxiety and everything else. I try to act as normal as possible about everything because I kno it will make things easier on my husband and that way things won't be all awkward between him and I. Truth be told its hard to act like ur cool when u have a million things runnin through your mind. At times I wonder if she will take up all my husbands love, will he love her more than me, will he enjoy spending time with her more than I, will her dinners taste better than mine, will he miss me and think of me when he's gone, will he be thinkin of her while he's spending time with me, etc......the paranoia goes on and on. All I can do is make dua to Allah that he makes this transition easy for me and him and her too. I honestly believe that her is deservant of this and has been patient in finding another wife. He treats me like a queen, subhan'Allah! And so I just want to make the best of whatever Allah decrees for me and I want my husband and I and her too be happy, too. I will be ok, i kno I wil if I just keep the remembrance of Allah.