Al humdullilah, my husband is back and safe. I am so happy he is back because I missed him tremendously. I was going through it a little bit, though. I'm thankful that he's back but I've been feeling slightly deprived. I sometimes feel like my husband doesn't give me enough attention. He does pay some attention to me, but because he spends a significant amount of his time away from us I feel like he should make an extra effort to make me as well as the boys feel loved and missed and wanted. I do understand that he has other obligations some of which has to do with the well being of the boys and I and others that don't and so this may cause him to be tired and exausted at times. Which I understand happens; at the same time this is what comes with providing and maintaining a family or in his case families. Which he does well, masha-Allah. Nevertheless I expect a little something extra at the least when it comes to us. Maybe I'm asking for too much but this is the way I feel. Our time together is limited; when he's not here no one else is here to take his place. We just have to be patient until it is our turn again.
I tried explaining to him how I feel without turning it into an argument because that is what I wanted to avoid. So I calmly began telling him how I felt. Alhumdullilah it didn't turn into an argument, but I'm not sure if he quite got what I was trying to express through all the tears. I tried so hard not to cry but I couldn't help it. Alot of times I'll just keep my feelings to myself to avoid fitnah. And since our time is already limited I didn't want to annnoy him, frustrate him, make him feel bad or make the mood awkward during our time together. All I wanted was to make him aware of how I felt. He didn't say much, just stared and listened; which is good, I guess???
He said he didn't feel well and I was mentally exausted, so we called it a night and to went to bed. While the mood did become slightly awkward neither of us were upset or angry, wal alhumdullilah. So I guess you could say it ended on a good note. Insha-Allah he understood some of if; not all of what I was trying to convey. And honestly I'm not sure if I expect him to understand me completely. After all we play two very different roles. He's the husband and I am the wife.
Random thought of mines :
Alhumdullilah, Allah is truly merciful in all that he decrees, I know this for a fact and insha-Allah I will continue to to strive and recognize so as long as I am able. If I can continue to remember this, insha-Allah life in this dunyah won't be as hard to accept.
