None of you have truly believed........

So, lately i've been struggling within to act normal as possible. I have been trying not to let my ensecurities get the best of me but at times I can't help it and it shows in my attitude. I think that my husband is one of the most deserving husbands out there of another wife. Subhan'Allah, he treats me like a queen in everyway possible. Is he perfect, no. But he makes every effort to be. So why am I makin it hard on him? I do try to hide my feelings so as to not make him feel bad about what he is doing, after all it is from the sunnah to have more than one wife. At times I get to thinking and listeing to the whispers of the shaytaan and i wonder if there is somethng that I am doing wrong or could be doing better? and is this why he wants another wife. He has told me before more that once that his wanting another wife has nothin to do with me except for the fact that I am only one and as most men, he prefers multiple women. And i do understand kinda because most men cheat at one time or another and thats because they were created that way, women are the biggest desire, even before wealth.

Nevertheless I still fall into these momentarily depressions and it causes me to be really moody and attitudy and i hate when I get that way cause then I feel bad afterwards, but I can't seem to help myself. So I told my husband this morning that i don't feel as though I am deserving of him because I make things harder on him by having these sudden attitudes and its only when I think of him beginning a family with someone else. I mean it could be worse, i don't do much but become realy sarcastic (which he hates) and really distant and this upsets him because he knows why i'm actin this way and he hates when I worry about his getting married. And he trys to reassure me that what we have is something that only him and I can acheive together and that no other woman can be me. So you see why I feel bad, right? other times he gets fed up and just becomes extremely irritated with me. He tells me that all he wants to do is enjoy the time we have to spend together and not be caught up worring about his other affairs, which is what I strive to do but as I said before I can't help myself some times. but so yeah I told him that I don't think I deserve to be with him because he does try hard to make this transition easy on me by sharing details and stuff like that and including me in the whole process and I in turn can't seem to shake the feeling of paranoia, intimidation, anxiety, jealousy, etc. He tells me "no, we deserve each other" and i wanted to cry. Why can't i just shake these feelings and keep it movin????? My husband is being super patient with me and all i want to do is return the favor. Ya Allah help, me be a better wife, AAMEEN!

The Prophet Muhammed (sallallahu alayhi wasalaam) said, none of you have truly beleived until you love for your brother/sister what you love for yourself. Sometimes i wonder if I truly believe, I'm sure there are plenty of sisters out there who could use a good husband and i think my husband has found one, so why not get it together so she may experience the joys of a good husband? and so that he may be hassle free. I do know that I have to figure something out quickly, i would hate for Allah to take away one of the best favores of this dunya, a religous, responsible, rightoues, loving, kind, caring, etc.........husband & father & friend.

My husband's getting married........

Insha'Allah my husband will be getting married soon, alhumdullilah. I have mixed feelings about everything. Because I have been in polygyny before and haven't had the best experiences with it, I am a bit skeptical. Other than that I think this is a good thing for many reasons, (1) it is from the sunnah to have more than one wife (2) believe it or not when my husband has had other wives in the past and it increased his thankfulness and gratefulness for me, the wife he already had, having another wife helped him realize the things about me that he may have gotten used to and taken for granted, (3) because this sister is from a different country than me there is alot that we can learn from each other, her native language is arabic and mines is english, although I do kno some arabic I am far from being fluent in it, so i look forward to learning from her, not just arabic but many other things too, i also look forward to showing a few things as well, there are so many other benefits of having a co-wife that I could go on an on, but having said all this as a woman and being emotional and all that stuff I am still struggling with the thought of my husband marrying again. He's satdown with her over the comp. several time and has chatted with her father and he seems to be really pleased with her, masha'Allah. He plans to fly and to where she is in March, they will probably get married then. At this time I am feeling really intimidated and so many other emotions are going on inside that I can't even type straight, (smile). I just want things to be good for my family and I. I don't want to have these feelings of intimidation and anxiety and everything else. I try to act as normal as possible about everything because I kno it will make things easier on my husband and that way things won't be all awkward between him and I. Truth be told its hard to act like ur cool when u have a million things runnin through your mind. At times I wonder if she will take up all my husbands love, will he love her more than me, will he enjoy spending time with her more than I, will her dinners taste better than mine, will he miss me and think of me when he's gone, will he be thinkin of her while he's spending time with me, etc......the paranoia goes on and on. All I can do is make dua to Allah that he makes this transition easy for me and him and her too. I honestly believe that her is deservant of this and has been patient in finding another wife. He treats me like a queen, subhan'Allah! And so I just want to make the best of whatever Allah decrees for me and I want my husband and I and her too be happy, too. I will be ok, i kno I wil if I just keep the remembrance of Allah.